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Trial of the Teen Titans
|This transcript is complete.|
- [The T-Jet crashes into a statue of Superman in Jump City. The Titans exit the wreckage.]
- Robin: Brother Blood is nearby, Titans. If we don't stop him, our beloved city will be destroyed. Fan out, and find him!
- Cyborg: [Launches a fist which destroys Jokes & Yolkes.] He's not in here!
- [Starfire throws Beast Boy and he transforms into a whale, crushing several buildings.]
- Beast Boy: He's not in here either!
- Raven: [Uses her soul-self to cause several buildings to vanish.] All clear!
- Robin: [Hits a parking meter.] We have to find him before he destroys the city!
- Brother Blood: Before I destroy the city?
- [Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Raven surround Brother Blood while he drinks tea and sits in a chair.]
- Robin: Brother Blood!
- Brother Blood: Look upon the damage you have wrought, Titans!
- [Beast Boy, as a mammoth, is destroying the city with a lamppost.]
- Raven: Well, sometimes you have to do what's wrong to do what's right.
- Brother Blood: This is millions of dollars in property damage.
- Starfire: Enough of the talk!
- [Cyborg grabs a chair and throws it at Brother Blood, but he ducks. Starfire uses her eyeblasts to throw a mailbox into the air and kicks it at Brother Blood, but he leaps to the side. Raven chases after Brother Blood with lampposts trailing after her, but he dodges each of them. Beast Boy transforms into a donkey and kicks a car toward Brother Blood, but he leaps over it. Robin rides his motorcycle up the car, through a building, and launches it toward Brother Blood, but he moves to the side. The Titans gather and surround him.]
- Brother Blood: Don't you see, Titans? You are the real menace to Jump City, and that's why I lured you here.
- Beast Boy: Uh, what's lured mean?
- Brother Blood: It's a fancy way of saying this is a trap!
- Cyborg: A trap?! Nice one. I did not see that coming! Up high, BB!
- Brother Blood: OK, up high. Way to go, dude. Now, it's time for the Teen Titans to answer for their crimes. [Uses his mind control on the Titans.]
- [The Titans are knocked out. Brother Blood presses a button and a cage launches from the wreckage and traps the Titans.]
- Robin: [Waking up.] What ... What is this?
- [Brother Blood snaps his fingers and the lights turn on, revealing a courtroom with Monsieur Mallah standing by the podium and a jury.]
- Brother Blood: This ... is the trial of the Titans!
- Cyborg: [Slams his fist on the table.]
- Raven: This is an outrage!
- [Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg yell over each other.]
- Brother Blood: Yes, Titans.
- Cyborg: [Slams his fist on the table.]
- [Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg yell over each other.]
- Brother Blood: Are you done?
- Raven: [Slams her fist on the table.]
- Unknown voice: All rise, for Judge Brain.
- Brain: [Rises to the stand.] Teen Titans. You stand accused of the careless destruction of Jump City. If you are found guilty, you will be sentenced ... to death!
- Cyborg: Death?!
- Beast Boy: Aw, that's the worst!
- Raven: I can handle that.
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] The prosecution can proceed, with its opening statement.
- Brother Blood: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I intend to prove that the Teen Titans are not the protectors of Jump City as they claim! In their pursuit of justice, they destroy everything in their path with careless disregard for the safety of the city. They, not we, are the true villains!
- Starfire: [Cries.] He is the right. We are the monsters! [Cries.]
- Raven: We make me sick!
- Beast Boy: Guilty, so guilty.
- Cyborg: Lock us up!
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: [Banging their fists on the table.] Lock us up! Lock us up!
- Robin: Quiet! What is wrong with you?!
- Beast Boy: He made a compelling argument, yo.
- Robin: You call that compelling? Then prepare to have your opinions swayed by a ... master orator! [Clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you are being asked to judge us today, and I suppose we're all easy to judge. Take me for example. I'm short. I can be obsessive at times. My pants are too tight. Sure, my breath is repulsive and I always smell like I just got back from the gym, so moist. And yes, I have some back hair, but it's not too much. I nervously bite my toenails and they get stuck in my teeth. I'm so pale, you can see my veins. Look! Look at my veins! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at my veins! I don't know what it's like to love, or to be loved. That's why I go to bed at night, wondering if I'm going to die alone, and of course, I will. Anyway ... where was I going with this? Oh, right, you can't handle the truth! Thank you. [Returns to his seat.] I think I won them over.
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] The prosecution may call the first witness.
- Brother Blood: The prosecution calls Starfire, your honor.
- Starfire: Oh, friends, what if I say the incorrect wordings?
- Raven: We're the heroes here, Star. We have nothing to hide. Just be honest.
- Starfire: [Lowers herself onto the stand.]
- Brother Blood: Tell me, Starfire. Do the Titans cause unnecessary damage when fighting crime?
- Starfire: Oh, very much, yes.
- Raven: Too honest!
- Brother Blood: Your witness.
- Robin: Miss Starfire. I have only one question for you, and remember, you are under oath. Will you go out with me?
- Starfire: No.
- Robin: And yet, you went out with me the other day, did you not?
- Starfire: As the friends.
- Robin: Am I really to believe it wasn't as more than friends?
- Starfire: Yes.
- Robin: And yet, on that same day, you touched my elbow.
- Starfire: That is true.
- Robin: Then just tell the truth! Do you love me?
- Starfire: Platonically.
- Robin: Answer the question. Do you love me?!
- Starfire: Like the brother.
- Robin: [Yelling.] Answer the question. Do you love me?!
- Brother Blood: Objection!
- Brain: On what grounds?
- Brother Blood: On the grounds that this is just embarrassing for everyone.
- Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg: [Nod.]
- Brain: Sustained. [Bangs gavel.] Yikes!
- Robin: No further questions, your honor.
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] The defense may proceed.
- Robin: Your honor, I would like to call a character witness: Beast Boy.
- Beast Boy: Oh, only if my man Cyborg comes too.
- Robin: You can't do that.
- Beast Boy: Your honor, will you tell this fool we is a packaged deal.
- Brain: They are a packaged deal, counsel. Proceed.
- Cyborg: [A strobe light rises over his head.] Whoo! Let's take the stand, baby! Uh! Yeah! [Continues singing.]
- Beast Boy: Uh-huh, that's how we do it. I'ma tell the truth. And nothin' but the truth, so help me, help me, help me.
- [Beast Boy and Cyborg sit on the stand.]
- Robin: Beast Boy, as a character witness, you would say the Titans are good people? Correct?
- Beast Boy: Uh... I would say four out of the five Titans are good people. Wouldn't you agree, Cy?
- Cyborg: I believe that is an accurate statement, yes.
- Robin: Four of the five?
- Beast Boy: Well, there's one Titan, and I'm not naming names, but his name is Robin, and he's a real butt sometimes.
- Robin: Objection!
- Brain: You cannot object. They are your witnesses.
- Cyborg: [A strobe light rises over his head and he laughs.]
- Beast Boy: Oh, you can't object, Robin.
- Cyborg and Beast Boy: [Laugh at Robin.]
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] Order in the court!
- Cyborg: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries! Oh!
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] Order!
- Beast Boy: Give me a strawberry shake! Oh! [High fives Cyborg.] Shake it, shake it, shake it!
- [Monsieur Mallah electrocutes Beast Boy and Cyborg.]
- Brain: We will take a short recess. [Bangs gavel.]
- [The Titans are sitting around a table in Holding Cell X.]
- Robin: I think it's going well out there.
- [Starfire peers out the window and sees the Brain watching Monsieur Mallah sharpen his axe and Brother Blood preparing his guillotine by cutting fruits that resemble the Titans.]
- Starfire: [Hugs Raven.] It has been the good life, friends.
- Raven: We had a solid run.
- Cyborg: [Hug Beast Boy.] I'm gonna miss you so much, little buddy.
- Beast Boy: Oh, bro. I love you and I'll always love you.
- Robin: Keep it together, Titans. I've got an ace up my sleeve. I've seen enough courtroom drama movies to know juries don't care about facts. They just want a good show. And that's what I'm going to give them.
- Beast Boy: How are you going to put on a show, bro?!
- Robin: [Slides across the table to Raven.] Can you do a New York accent?
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent.] What's it to you?
- Robin: And do you know anything about cars?
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent.] Yeah, my grandfather was a mechanic, my two uncles were mechanics, and my father was a mechanic, before he became an interdimensional demon.
- Robin: Great. Just follow my lead.
- [Brother Blood and the Titans return to the courtroom.]
- Brother Blood: So, Robin, are you ready to confess to your crimes?
- Robin: Never! Your honor, I'd like to call one last witness: Raven.
- [The jury gasp.]
- Robin: Miss Raven, can you tell me what this is? [Holds up a photograph.]
- Raven: It's a 1971 Skyhawk.
- Robin: Don't forget the accent.
- Raven: Oh. [Clears throat and starts speaking in a New York accent.] It's a 1971 Skyhawk.
- Robin: [Holds up another photorgaph.] And is there any way that this car made these tire marks?
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent.] Absolutely, not.
- Robin: Ha-ha. I find it hard to believe you can know that, just by looking at these pictures.
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent.] Would you like me to explain?
- Robin: Ooh, I would love to hear this.
- Brother Blood: Objection! This is irrelevant.
- Brain: Overruled! I'd like to see where this is going.
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent.] There's no way a 1971 Skyhawk made those tire marks. See how they're uniform and flat?
- Beast Boy: How can she tell all that just by looking at a picture.
- Cyborg: Who cares?! The jury is eating this up! Look at the chemistry. This is entertainment.
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent] ... only one other car had the same body, weight, and wheel base as the Skyhawk. And that was, the Enfield Hurricane.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Starfire: [Cheer.]
- Robin: Thank you, Raven. [Laughs.] No more questions.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: [Cheer.]
- [Monsieur Mallah hands the Brain a piece of a paper.]
- Brain: The jury has reached a decision.
- Robin: I did it!
- [Robin begins imagining himself as a baseball star. He hits the ball and it strikes a stadium light. He runs past the Titans, high-fiving them. He imagines himself as a basketball star and uses Brother Blood's face to launch into the air and make a basket. He then imagines himself as winning tic-tac-toe and then as a bowling champion who makes a strike. The Titans cheer for him while, in the shadows, Batman gives him a thumb-up.]
- Brain: [Bangs gavel.] Guilty.
- Robin: [Frowns.]