| Issue 1|
|Digital Release:||November 23, 2013|
|Printed Release:||December 18, 2013|
|Art by:||Ben Bates|
"Par for the Course"
Titans Tower Kitchen
|This transcript is complete.|
- [First panel shows Cyborg singing in the Titans Tower Kitchen.]
- Cyborg: [Singing as he sets a plate on the table.] Sandwich time, sandwich time! There's no time like sandwich time. [Opens fridge.] Except for maybe corn dog time or battered, deep-fried chocolate ti - [Fridge shows pizza box, a cake, and an empty plate.] AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!
- [Robin, Starfire, and Beast Boy run into the kitchen as Raven peers from around the corner. Cyborg starts bawling over the empty plate.]
- Robin: What's the emergency Cyborg? Is it Brother Blood? Mad Mod?
- Starfire: Did you stub the toe?
- Cyborg: [Bawling.] M-M-My sandwich! Where's my sandwich? [Aims sonic cannon at the four Titans, angry.] That's the third one this week! Who took it?!
- Robin: Not me!
- Beast Boy: Not me!
- Raven: Not me!
- Starfire: It was not I!
- Cyborg: [Gestures to fridge.] Well, somebody did! Why is it always my sandwich? Why not Raven's pizza!
- [Beast Boy flashes back to when he took Raven's cupcake and unleashed her inner demon.]
- Raven: CUPCAKE!!!
- [Flashback ends.]
- Beast Boy: Dude, you do not mess with Raven's food.
- Robin: Mm, no witnesses to the disappearance. Too bad you didn't put a camera in the fridge -
- Cyborg: I did! [Shows half-eaten camera.] They ate my camera, too!
- Robin: [Proudly.] Don't worry! I'll get to the bottom of this.
- Cyborg: How?
- Robin: Through the skillful-application of cutting-edge investigative techniques. [Color changes to black and white as a silhouette of Robin aims a bright light.] Okay, babyface, I'll give you one last chance! Gimme the skinny and skip the flimflam! I ain't no kid glove, blowin' some rumgum shoniker! [Gets closer.] Yeah, you heard me - I'm talkin' sandwiches! You had a hankering for the dingug, didn'tcha? So you slipped it in yer yap, dropped it down the hatch, and that's all she wrote! But I'm here to tell you sweetheart, you got a rye-bread monkey on your back! A one-way street to the big house and a mayonnaise kimono with pickles on the side! [Gets even closer.] So come clean, sunshine! ADMIT IT!!
- Starfire: [Smiling with spotlight aimed at her.] You are very cute in this light, Robin.
- Raven: [Spotlight aimed at her.] You're joking, right?
- Cyborg: [Spotlight aimed at him, angry.] ME?! It was MY sandwich!
- Beast Boy: [Spotlight aimed at him.] Okay! Okay! I confess! I ran with scissors! I crossed without looking both ways! I [Sob.] left the seat up!
- Robin: What about the sandwich?
- Beast Boy: Oh, that? No way, dude. I didn't take the sandwich.
- Cyborg: [Destroys the lamp and returns color to the comic.] This isn't getting us anywhere. I'm going to handle my sandwiches my way ---- with a high-tech state of the art security system! [Watches the refrigerator for nearly three hours, but no one has opened the fridge.] I can't stand it anymore! [Opens fridge.] Just a little peek to make sure it's safe. [A train comes out from the fridge and runs over Cyborg.] AAACK! OOOF! YOW!
- [Train leaves, leaving Cyborg in pieces as Robin peers over the wall.]
- Robin: Opened the fridge, huh?
- Cyborg: Well, the security system works. Nobody took -- [Sees empty plate.] -- MY SANDWICH!
- [Starfire flies into the kitchen as Beast Boy, transformed into a hippo, follows.]
- Beast Boy: [As a hippo.] I didn't do it!
- Starfire: Did you stub the toe again?
- Cyborg: Why does this keep happening to me? Why? Why? WHY?!
- Robin: [Opening pizza box.] The question isn't "why," it's "how." How did someone get into the fridge without opening it? Maybe there's a clue inside --
- [A pizza monster is unleashed from the box, scaring the four Titans and transforming Beast Boy into a rabbit.]
- Cyborg: Yeah, that looks like a clue.
- Beast Boy: [As a rabbit.] Pizza monster!
- [Pizza monster traps Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy within it as Starfire evades a pizza tentacle.]
- Beast Boy: Dude! I told you. Don't mess with Raven's food.
- Starfire: [Shoots a starbolt, but is caught by the Pizza Monster.] It is no use! Even my energy blasts cannot penetrate the pepperoni!
- [Beast Boy and Cyborg hang upside down as Raven enters.]
- Cyborg: Quick! Eat that thing -- before it eats us!
- Beast Boy: Are you kidding? I'm not putting that in my mouth!
- Raven: Can you people please keep the noise -- [Grabbed by a tentacle.] -- down? [Hanging upside down, looking at Robin and Cyborg.] You touched my pizza, didn't you?
- Beast Boy: [Thrown around by the monster as Starfire sinks into the pizza.] You left this in our fridge? What is this thing?
- Raven: Leftovers. From the last time I went home.
- [Flashback to Raven and a demonic Trigon engulfed in flames.]
- Trigon: Again, daughter, you have renounced the name of Trigon! Betrayed your birthright! [Flames vanish as he returns to a humanized form and holds open a pizza.] But take a snack. You look thin.
- [Flashback ends.]
- Raven: [Off-panel.] It's his specialty -- a pizza with everything: mushrooms, sausage, demonic possession...
- Cyborg: Demonic possession?!!!
- Raven: It beats pineapple.
- Starfire: [Struggling to escape.] How does one beat the demon-infested pizza?
- Beast Boy: Demon-infested pizza cutter?
- Robin: Or we could try ... [Throws birdarang-grappling hook.] this! [Off-panel as birdarang wraps around the pastry.] That creature kept eating Cyborg's sandwiches, but not Starfire's cake. Why not? [Flings cake into pizza monster's mouth.] Because demonic pizza monsters from the underworld can't stand ANGEL FOOD CAKE!
- [Pizza monster eats the cake, and explodes. The kitchen is left splattered by the monster's remains. Silkie enters happily.]
- Cyborg: In your face, pizza monster! That's what happens when you eat my sandwich!
- Beast Boy: Well, I'm not cleaning all this up.
- Robin: That's okay. Raven will clean up.
- Starfire: [Watches Silkie eating the pizza.]
- Raven: [Off-panel.] What?!
- Robin: [Off-panel.] It's your pizza.
- Raven: [Off-panel.] You blew it up.
- Starfire: Oh, look! Silkie likes to eat the pizza.
- Robin: [Off-panel.] Okay, okay, we'll compromise. Cyborg can clean up.
- Cyborg: [Off-panel.] Not happening! I cleaned up the mutant lasagna last week.
- [Silkie grins evilly as he becomes demonically possessed, growing six eyes and hissing.]