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Matched/Transcript

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"Matched/Transcript"
Season 1, Episode 24
Matched title card
Production code: 112b
Airdate: September 11, 2013
Credits
Director: Luke Cormican
Writer: Steve Borst
Transcripts
Previous
"Burger vs. Burrito"
Next
"Colors of Raven"
This article is a transcript of the Teen Titans Go! episode "Matched" from season 1, which aired on September 11, 2013.
Characters
Beast Boy (featured)
Raven (featured)
Robin (featured)
Cyborg
Starfire
Aquaman
Silkie
Locations
Titans Tower
Song
None
Plot Point
Love Matcher 5000
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[Episode opens with Beast Boy and Raven playing chess]

Raven: [Drinks from tea] "Did you put root beer in my teacup?" Beast Boy: "It's better than that gross chameleon tea you drink."}} Raven: "Chamomile." Beast Boy: Whatever. Just make a move already! This is so 'boring'!" Raven: [Sighs] "When are you going to understand? Chess requires -"

Beast Boy: [Slamming head on table.] Boring! Boring! BORING! BORING! BORING!


Raven: Clearly, this was a mistake. I'm going to just meditate instead.


[Raven attempts to meditate, but is constantly interrupted by Beast Boy in his animal transformations.]


Raven: BEAST BOY! SHH! [Beast Boy continues to annoy her.] UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!![Grabs Beast Boy with tentacles.]


Robin: Hey guys! You're not gonna believe what Cyborg just did!


Raven: Can it wait? I was about to permanently banish Beast Boy into another dimension.


Cyborg: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can banish him later! Check it out! I created a computer program that analyses all of your personality traits, and matches them with your ... ideal superhero mate!


Raven: And why would you waste your time with that?


Cyborg: Because Robin wants to prove that he's a perfect match for Sta - OW!


Robin: A-hem! Okay, let's get started.


Starfire: Are we sure it is wise to let the machine decide who we love?


Cyborg: And Starfire's ideal match is ... brrrrrrrrrr ...


Robin: Please be me please be me please be me please be me please be me please be me please be me please be me ......


Cyborg: ... AQUAMAN!


Robin: Aqua - wha - ha - [Coughs.] that's wh - I th - that's me- wha - a ha ha ha ha - [Attacks Cyborg with staff and birdarang.] DIE! YOU COMPUTER SCUM! DIE! DIE! DIE!


[Cyborg is left dismembered, but the Love Matcher 5000 remains stationed on Beast Boy's icon.]


Beast Boy: My turn!


[The icon spins until landing on Raven.]


Cyborg: Raven?


Beast Boy, Robin, and Starfire Raven?


Raven: Raven? Uh, me? Hmhmm, NO, that must be a mistake.


Cyborg: Hey, computers never lie.


Beast Boy: Wow ... this changes everything.


Raven: You can't actually be taking this seriously.


Beast Boy: I'm willing to give it [Grabs Raven's hand.] - to give us - a shot. If you are.


[Raven punches Beast Boy back and teleports away.]


Beast Boy: Ow!

{{[Raven floats to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. When she closes it, Beast Boy, dressed in a leather jacket and shades, is standing behind it.]}}

Beast Boy: Yo gurl! Have you been using the power of telepathy again?


Raven: I don't have the power of telepathy.


Beast Boy: Because you been on my mind all day!


Raven: Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?


Beast Boy: I have to wear them. Because our future is so bright together, mama! [Beast Boy attempts to kiss Raven, but she punches him away.] Ow!


[Starfire is reading Aquaman Annual when Cyborg arrives.]


Cyborg: So ... you and the ol' King of the Sea! Who would have thought it, huh?


Starfire: I give no credits to your machine. But I admit Aquaman does possess many admirable qualities. And he's quite fit. [Giggles.]


Robin: You know who else is fit? [Robin stands before them, wearing nothing but a black speedo.]


Cyborg: WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? It's like I can see, EVERYTHING!


Starfire: You are not wearing the shirt ... or the pants.


Robin: Yep, just got back from the pool. Swam about 200 laps. No biggie.


Cyborg: I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO PALE BEFORE! ALL THE REFLECTION IS MAKING ME BLIND! I'M GOING BLINDDDDDDD!


Starfire: I must go feed the Silkie now ...


Robin: [Flexing.] Well before you go, the exits to the room are there, and there! Ooh, did I step in gunk, look at that calf you could cut diamonds.


Cyborg: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY LIFE! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


[Raven is reading in her room when Beast Boy, as a dove, floats up to her.]


Beast Boy: [As a dove.]


Raven: And it will take me all day to forget.


Beast Boy: How about a little romantic horseyback ride? [Turns into a horse.]


Cyborg: "Starfire's match is... also, a scratching post." Starfire: (screams) Cyborg: "Maybe that glitch wasn't so eensy-weensy." Beast Boy: "I don't think so. This feels... real to me." Starfire:"The post for scratching is meant to be with me! Beast Boy:"It was mine, first!" Raven:"Why do I even try?" [The episode ends]

Cyborg:"WHAT IS THAT SMELL? Robin:"You're probably picking up on my pheromones. You know, my chemical scent." Cyborg:"I KNOW WHAT PHEROMONES ARE! BUT ALL I SMELL IS ROTTEN FISH! I! CAN'T! BREATHEEE!"  Robin:"Hey, Star." Starfire:"Greetings!" Robin:"Smell anything you like?"

[Scene cuts to Raven meditating in her room]

Raven:"Go. Away." Beast Boy:"Raven, it takes two to make relationship work." Raven:"We don't have a relationship! Give it up!" Beast Boy:"I have never given up on anything in my life! And I am not giving up on us!" Raven:"What are you talking about? You give up all the time!"

[Flashback of Beast Boy trying to open a can of pickles] "...I give up." [He tosses it over his shoulder, thus shattering the jar]

Beast Boy:"If you can give me one reason we're not meant to be together, I'll walk away, right now!" Raven:Hmm... well... [speaks rapidly]

1.You're rude 2.You smell 3.You're annoying 4.you say 'Bro' and 'Dude' too much, 5.I hate the color green, 6.your voice irritates me, 7.your tofu makes me sick. 8.You're irresponsible, 9.all you do is play video games, 10.you can't tie a tie, 11.you're messy, 12.you chew with your mouth open, 13.your face gives me the creeps. 14.Your jokes are dumb, 15.your pranks are stupid, 16.your dancing embarrasses me, 17.you're lazy, 18.you're dumber than the animals you turn into. 19.Your clothes are always covered in pizza stains.

Beast Boy: [licks off some pizza from his shirt]

Wow. No one's ever known me like you do. [He attempts to kiss her, but she slaps him in the face with her tentacles]

Beast Boy:"Ow! Owww..."

[]

Cyborg IS THAT A SHARK TANK IN THE LIVING ROOM? WHERE DID YOU GET THESE SHARKS FROM? IS THAT EVEN SAFE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???
Robin Yep, chicks dig a guy who can communicate. With fish.
Starfire I did not realise you had a fondness for marine life.
Robin Oh yeah, me and fish, we're like this.
Robin I-It's like I have this... connection with them, you know?
Robin See? We're having a lovely little chit cha- AAAHHHHH!
Robin Aaahhhh- I'm fine!
Starfire Do you think we should help him?
Robin No no no, just a little miscommunication! Aaaaahhhh!
Cyborg Nah, he'll talk his way outta it.
Robin I'm okay...
Raven [Gasps] Hmm... 
Starfire He will not leave you alone, will he?
Raven No. Ever since Cyborg's computer matched us, he's convinced we're meant to be together.
Starfire And you are not?
Raven Of course not! I want someone who thinks and acts like me!
Beast Boy Hey Raven. Hey Starfire.
Raven Look, I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work.
Beast Boy OH COME ON! Just give me a chance, please? Pretty please with scary things on top? (shows his fingernails to her) Look, I painted my fingernails black for you, Raven.
Raven NO! Let me make myself clear. I want NOTHING to do with you, EVER! (The word EVER fell onto Beast Boy, and because of that she doesn't want to love him, Beast Boy stands up and begans to get upset and his heart broke. Raven was still furious at him. 'The two stared at each other. Beast Boy was still upset while Raven's rage begans to slip out of her, and she saw that she truly broke his heart, and got upset as well, meaning that she was sorry. The flashbacks came and they are Beast Boy's attempts to love Raven all the way from the beginning. When the flashback was over, Raven begans to speak.) Beast Boy?
Beast Boy Yes?
Raven I think I wanna make this thing work.
Beast Boy You mean it?
Beast Boy [crying] Raven, will you marry me?
Raven This is... beautiful. I guess Beast Boy and I were meant to be together.
Beast Boy I've never been so happy.
Cyborg Woah woah woah! Hold the bacon! There was a tiny, teensy, eensy-weensy, litte glitch in my matchmaking program.
Raven You mean, I might not be Beast Boy's ideal match?
Cyborg Only one way to find out! Looks like Beast Boy's ideal match is... the scratching post.
Raven ...A scratching post.
Cyborg Hey, computers never lie.
Beast Boy How could I have been so blind?
Raven Uhhhh.
Robin Wait. This means Starfire's match isn't Aquaman! It might be me after all!

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