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Par for the Course/Transcript

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"Par for the Course/Transcript"
Issue 2
Par For The Course title card
Digital Release: December 18, 2013
Printed Release: December 18, 2013
Credits
Writer: Merrill Hagan
Art by: Jorge Corona
Transcripts
Previous
"Food Fright"
Next
"Idol Hands"
Characters
Beast Boy (featured)
Cyborg (featured)
Robin (featured)
Raven
Starfire
The Riddler
Locations
Crisis in 18 Holes
Song
None
Plot Point
Mini-golf Bet
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

[The first panel shows the nightime sky at a miniature golf course with Robin chasing a pterodactyl transformed Beast Boy, wrapping the dinosaur's legs with a birdarang.]


Robin: That's it! You're going down!


Beast Boy: [As a pterodactyl.] Whoa, dude! What are you attacking me for?


Robin: There's no way you got that hole-in-one on your own!


Beast Boy: Robin! Are you accusing me of cheating?


[Robin's flashback shows Beast Boy transforming into a pterodactyl and flapping his wings to move a golf ball into the hole.]


Robin: [Off-panel.] Your shot was nowhere near the hole! But then you turned into a pterodactyl and flapped your wings and blew the ball right in for the hole-in-one!


[Flashback ends as Beast Boy returns to his human self.]


Robin: YOU TOTALLY CHEATED!


Beast Boy: I get it, bro. You're just upset because you know I'm one step closer to winning the bet! Because when I win, [Holds Robin's cape, causing him to break the golf club.] I get your cape. There are just so many possibilities, Robin ... I could use it as a towel! [Imagines drying himself with Robin's cape.] Or maybe a hotly anticipated costume upgrade! [Imagines himself as a gorilla wearing Robin's cape.] Nah -- I'll probably just cut it into pieces and use it as confetti to celebrate the next time Speedy does something better than you. [Imagines using the cape as confetti as Speedy smirks while Robin cries.]


Robin: No way, Beast Boy! You're just cheating because of the bet YOU made! Because when I win ...... I get to turn your room into my dojo! But don't worry -- I've got a dog crate with your name on it.


Beast Boy: [Imagines himself in a dog crate.] Dude! Don't even joke about crating me! I slept in one while I was being potty trained ... so many dark memories ...


Robin: Well, regardless, my cape is safe!


Raven: It's just a cape Robin ... what do you care?


Robin: Just a cape? All of the coolest superheroes wear capes! [Off-screen, imagines Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman.] Batman ... Superman. Wonder Woman on formal occasions. [Imagines himself with a long neck.] Plus, the cape distracts from the fact that I have a really weird-looking neck.


[A golf ball hits a statue of Darkseid.]


Starfire: Yes! I have vanquished the golf guardian and have conquered this hole! Now to destroy this hole on my march to victory!


Raven: Wait, Starfire. That's not how you play mini golf. You're supposed to tap the ball into the hole like this. [Uses powers to demonstrate.]


Starfire: I do not understand ... if it is so simple, then why have the boys been arguing all day?


Raven: Because they made a bet. And betting turns people into idiots ... not that they were far off to begin with. C'mon, mini golf is pointless, anyway. Let's hit the arcade.


[Raven leads Starfire to Eddie's Arcade as Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg continue to argue.]


Beast Boy: I believe the winner of the last hole gets to play first on the next one ...[Turns into an elephant and prepares to shoot.] so, time to tee up ...


Robin: What?!? How is this fair at all?


Cyborg: Beast Boy's just using his natural abilities!


Robin: He's using his trunk! It's the same as throwing the ball!


Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Oh, so you want me to not use all of my abilities just to make it more fair for you? I see how it is.


Robin: Fine. If that's how you want to play, let's do it.


Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Of course.


[Beast Boy uses the trunk to shoot the ball into the air.]


Cyborg: You got it! You got it!


[A birdarang cuts the golf ball in half.]


Robin: Whoops! I was just using my natural abilities and I accidentally split your golf ball with my birdarang. My bad.


Beast Boy: [As an elephant, held back by Cyborg.] Total cheat move, dude!


Robin: Oh, so it's not cheating when you turn into a giant elephant?


Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] I can't help that I can turn into an elephant!


[Cyborg holds Beast Boy and Robin back.]


Cyborg: Guys! We don't want to turn this into a death match!


Robin and Beast Boy [Beast Boy is transformed as an elephant.] YES, WE DO!


Cyborg: Hmm. Maybe we should revise the bet ...


[Starfire and Raven reach Eddie's Arcade.]


Starfire: There are so many games here, Raven. Which one are we looking for?


[Raven approaches a claw machine game with Pretty Pretty Pegasus dolls.]


Raven: This is it.


Starfire: OOOH! The machine of claws! What is the objective of this game?


Raven: [Using her powers to levitate a doll out of the machine.] You're supposed to get one of the dolls to come out of the machine. And there we go. Victory complete.


Starfire: But where does the claw come in?


Raven: [Cuddling with Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll.] Beats me.


[Beast Boy and Robin discuss the new bet.]


Beast Boy: So, in the new bet, if I win, I want your cape and I want your utility belt.


Robin: Fine. But if I win, I get your room and you have to give up electronics for a month!


Beast Boy: Fine.


[Robin and Beast Boy shake hands.]


Robin: ... which includes Cyborg.


Beast Boy: Not cool!


Cyborg: But I'm not electronic!


Robin: You're half electronic.


Cyborg: Yeah, well you're full jerk!


Beast Boy: I'm gonna use your cape as toilet paper.


Robin: Come at me, bro.


Cyborg: Gentlemen, the game is mini golf. No restrictions on powers! No restrictions on weapons! No rules ... no mercy.


[Robin's ball is blocked by a hippo transformed Beast Boy.]


Beast Boy: [As a hippo.] Oops. Did I block you there?


[Robin replaces a golf ball with a smoke pellet to obscure Beast Boy's vision.]


Robin: How did one of my smoke pellets replace your golf ball? My bad!


Beast Boy: [As a skunk, sprays Robin's face.] Hey, Robin! YOU STINK!


Robin: [Punches Beast Boy.] Oops! I accidentally punched you in the face. That's on me!


[Robin and Beast Boy, tired and beat up, reach the last hole.]


Beast Boy: Last hole, Rob! There's no way you're gonna win this!


Robin: Can it dog breath! The bet's mine!


Starfire: [Off-panel.] STOP! [Starfire and Raven approach the boys.] I would like to enter the contest. Under one condition ... if I win, all former bets are null and you two must go back to being friends!


Cyborg: ... I'll allow it. [Blows whistle.]


Robin and Beast Boy WHAT?!


Cyborg: I ain't your puppet, man!


[Starfire raises the golf club and hits the golf ball. It approaches the hole, but stops before entering.]


Cyborg: Oh, man! So close!


[Starfire's eyes glow green as a giant explosion rocks the golf course. When it clears, the hole is obliterated and the Titans, save Starfire, are covered in gray.]


Starfire: I did it! I made a one-in-the hole!


The Riddler [Off-panel.] WHAT DID YOU DO? [Approaches the Titans.] My course! My ultimate riddle! You've ruined it! Do you know how much time it took me to construct this confounding contraption?! A lot! [To Raven.] And did you steal that Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll from my claw machine?


Raven: UM ...


The Riddler Riddle me this, Titans! Guess who's getting BANNED FOR LIFE? It's you in case that wasn't clear.


[Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Raven are sitting on the curb outside the mini golf course, Crisis in 18 Holes.]


Cyborg: Well, that ended badly.


Robin: Wait - Raven? Couldn't you just use your powers to repair the course?


Beast Boy: Yeah! You could totally fix this!


Raven: Don't bet on it.

Comic ends.

See also

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