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This article is a transcript of the Teen Titans Go! episode "Real Magic" from season 1, which aired on May 14, 2014.
A police car drives by. The Teen Titans look dejected; Cyborg carries on his argument that no one cares about.
Cyborg: You don't think I know that she's a robot? I know she's a robot. But if she's really part of the family, why do they make her sleep in a cupboard? I mean, she can have a real bed. Don't they realize she's a small wonder?
Cyborg shows a photo of Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder using his technology thing.
Raven: Why does this show always get you so worked up?
Beast Boy: Yeah, it's supposed to be a comedy, dude.
Cyborg retracts his two additional arms, each beside his head.
The doorbell chimes as Robin pushes the door open. He gasps at the sound of broken glass. 2 men are lifted up in the air. A policeman pulls out his gun to shoot. Hocus Pocus turns the gun into a bird. He uses his wand to take the money out of the register.
Hocus Pocus: Hocus-pocus.
Raven: Oh, mumbo!
Robin: Titans, woah!
All the Titans except for Raven immediately sit down at a booth.
Robin: (chuckling) magic show.
Hocus Pocus: Oh, goody!
The men in the air are tossed aside, crashing into the wall.
Hocus Pocus: The teen titans. You'll never be able to stop...
Beast Boy: Do a trick! Do a trick!
Starfire: Ooh, yes. We would like to see the magic.
The Titans besides Raven are sat up eagerly, Hocus Pocus is surprised at this turn of events.
Hocus Pocus: Oh... Okay.
He turns his wand into a bouquet of flowers.
Hocus Pocus: Ta-da.
Cyborg: (gasping) flowers!
Robin: They just came out of nowhere.
Hocus teleports the bouquet into Starfire's hands. She gasps, sniffs the flowers and passes out due to the toxic gas emitted from them.
Raven: This isn't a magic show.
(all shushing except for Starfire who is passed out on the floor)
Hocus Pocus: Can I get a dollar from the crowd?
Cyborg: Oh, I got one!
Robin: No. Take mine! Take mine!
Beast Boy: I've got 20, yo.
They hold their money out while saying this. Hocus accepts all of their offerings.
Raven: You're not supposed to be giving the thief money.
(all shushing except for Starfire who's still passed out)
Hocus makes the money disappear into his hat.
Beast Boy: Amazing!
Cyborg: How in the world does he do it?
Robin: He is blowing my mind!
Starfire: Ooh!
Starfire laughs and falls to the floor once again. Hocus Pocus turns towards the emergency exit.
Hocus Pocus: Now for my final trick, watch me disappear.
He runs into Raven's magical black hand.
Raven: Into prison for 10 to 20 years.
He disappears through her portal and appears in the middle cell, beside Jinx and Mr. Light.
Robin: Ah, come on!
Beast Boy: Way to go!
Cyborg: You totally ruined the show!
Starfire: Why must you hate the magic?
Raven grunts.
...
Seagulls shrieking.
Meditative music plays as Raven meditates.
(Crashing; Starfire screaming)
Cyborg: Oh, my goodness gracious! What are we gonna do?
Raven: What? What happened?
Starfire: Robin somehow removed the thumb.
Robin, with magic, puts his thumb back on.
Robin: Presto chango!
Cyborg: Oh, it's back on. It's all good, people.
He removes it again.
Cyborg: Oh, no! It's gone again!
Beast boy screams, monkey noises also emit from his mouth.
Raven: What is going on?
Robin: Magic! That's what. Seeing that creepy little blue guy work miracles has inspired me to do the same.
Robin: Hey, beast boy, whoop, got your nose.
Robin uses his thumb to mimic Beast Boy's nose.
Robin: Wow, magic.
Beast Boy: (Beast boy screams) Someone call a doctor.
Cyborg: Put it back. I beg of you.
Raven: You guys think that's impressive? Azarath metrion zinthos.
She fires a black ball of energy into Robin. (bowling pins clattering) He's been dismembered.
Beast Boy: Beast boy: Super lame.
Cyborg: I saw how she did that. She just used a spell.
Robin: (sarcastically) yeah, great trick.
(all booing)
...
Robin throws a smoke bomb and appears right beside Beast Boy.
Robin: Say, beast boy...
Beast Boy: What?
Robin: You appear to have something lodged in your general ear area.
Beast Boy: (shamefully) Uh, that's just my waxy buildup.
A close of Beast Boy's ear is shown. It is horrific.
Robin: Not that. There's something behind your ear. Huh, what's that doing in there?
The newly found coin sparkles in the light.
Cyborg: He pulled a coin from behind Beast Boy's ear.
Starfire: Do you keep the coins behind your ear, beast boy?
Beast Boy: No, dude, no. Never in my life.
The coin got turned into confetti.
Robin: Magic!
Robin runs out. (applauding at his tricks, not him)
Raven: Boo! (booing him, not trying to surprise someone)
Beast Boy: Why do you have to be such a heckler, Rave?
Raven: I'm not! It's just that Robin's magic is terrible.
Cyborg: No, you hate everything.
Raven: No, I don't.
(upbeat music playing) A baby in Raven's costume is shown with the words "Yeah, you do."
The titans having a pool party in the car.
Raven: Hate it.
Cats. (meowing noises)
Raven: Hate it.
Beast Boy in a compromising situation.
Raven: Hate it.
Raven: Okay, so I can be negative. But, Robin's dealing with forces more powerful than he understands. His terrible tricks are bound to anger the magic god. Behold!
Raven pulls out her Ancient Legends book.
Raven: The magic god is responsible for keeping the forces of magic in balance, even terrible magic like Robin's.
(page flip)
Raven: If you don't treat the treat the powers of magic with respect,
(page flip)
Raven: You'll be summoned by the magic god to face his judgment, and be eternally...
Robin: Who's ready for more magic?
All: We are!
They run, leaving Raven behind with her story book. She closes it.
Robin: Titans, I'm about to perform magic's most dangerous trick, the water torture chamber.
Raven: I wouldn't try this if I were you.
Robin: I know what I'm doing, Raven. I saw it on the internet. Beast Boy, could you help lower me into the water?
(water bubbling)
Raven: This is just stupid.
(all shushing)
Robin is not even close to escaping his makeshift straitjacket, much less escape the metal box he's enclosed in.
Raven: Maybe we should get him out of there.
Cyborg: He's fine, Rave, it's called building drama.
Minutes later, Robin drowns. His soul has escaped his body and it's moving up towards a light in the sky. (Heavenly music plays.)
Raven teleports Robin out of the tank, and drags his soul back to Earth with her big black hand. The music is replaced with a suspenseful one. She pushes his soul back into his body.
(Robin gasps) He vomits out water.
Robin: (weakly) ta-da.
Vomits out water 3 more times and passes out.
Starfire: Glorious water trick.
Cyborg: Guys! That beat the missing thumb. The missing thumb.
Raven: What is wrong with you people? He died.
Beast Boy: That's what made it such a great trick.
Starfire: Yes, anybody can survive a trick.
Raven: Robin, you can't play around with this stuff. Magic is not a game!
Robin puts a pencil up his nose, then into his mouth.
Robin: Magic!
She slaps the pencil out of his hands.
Raven: Keep it up, and you'll be summoned by the magic god. And believe me, you don't wanna deal with him.
Robin: You don't get it, Raven. I am a magic god.
Teen Titan logo is shown.
...
Raven: Hummus. Hate it. Schnitzel. Hate it. Chicken marsala. Hate it.
She lifts the mayo with her magic, but her magic glitches out. The mayo falls to the floor.
Raven: What?
(cell phone ringing)
Raven: What's wrong with my magic, today?
Robin: (through call) Hey, uh, Rave, you busy?
She teleports to Robin, on the roof.
Robin: Uh, so... (clears throat)
Robin: I was, uh, doing some magic...
(laughs nervously)
Robin: And then this happened.
Evil bunny wreaking havoc.
Raven: No wonder my magic's off. You finally upset the magic god; and now, all magic is out of balance. Why didn't you listen to me?
Robin: I thought you were just being negative.
The hat on Robin's hat turns into a portal.
Robin: Whoa! What's... What's going on?
(both screaming) They get sucked into another dimension.
Magic God: Stand before the magic god. You have displeased me. Unless you can impress me with some magic, you will be banished to the mines forever!
Robin shrugs and pulls up his sleeve.
Raven: Forgive him, great magic god.
His cards fall out.
Raven: Robin knows not about his misuse of magic.
(thunderbolt)
Magic God: Show me a trick, or to the mines, you two.
Raven: Let me handle this. Azarath metrion zinthos.
She summons Cerberus, a three headed dog.
(snarling)
Freezes them, then cracks the ice block.
(dogs barking)
Little icicle dogs fall.
Magic God: Hate it. To the mines, you two.
Raven: You can't send Robin to the mines.
Robin has stuffed the last of his cards up his sleeve.
Raven: He won't last a day down there.
Magic God: It's not Robin I'm sending to the mines, you silly fool. You have upset the magic god by pooh-poohing all of his fine magic tricks.
Raven: Me?
Magic God: Yes! The magic god hates hecklers.
Robin: I know, total downer. Now, did you say you want to see some magic?
Does some card thing.
Robin: Is this your card?
Magic God: (gasps) that was my card.
Robin: Magic!
He makes a table, cup, and ball with his cape. The ball goes up the cup.
Magic God: Where did the ball go?
Robin lifts up the cup.
Magic God: Whoo!
Robin: Magic!
Robin pulls a coin out behind the God's ear.
Magic God: A coin? Behind my ear? How absurd and marvelous! Bravo! Bravo! You are incredible, Robin.
Magic God: But she is still to be banished to the mines forever!
Robin: Please, great magic god, give Raven one more chance. I promise she will not disappoint.
Robin motions for Raven to do the thumb trick.
(she sighs)
Raven: (sarcastically) look, my thumb is missing.
Magic God: Delightful! Amazing! You have pleased me. You both may go.
God creates a portal which they get sucked into. They crash into the ceiling. (both screaming, groaning)
Raven: Sorry, Robin. Your magic may be terrible, but I can't hate things just because they're terrible. From now on I'm gonna work on being more positive.
He blinks.
Raven: That's it? You're not gonna say anything?
(choking) He spits out multiple balls.
Beast Boy: I was wondering where that went.
He spits out more balls.
Starfire: How many of the pongs does he have in there?
