|"Squash & Stretch"|
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|This transcript is complete.|
- [The Titans are lounging by their pool outside and sigh in unison.]
- Cyborg: Warm sun, cool breeze, the perfect day.
- Beast Boy: You said it, bro?
- Robin: [Eating nuts.] And these nuts, they're so good. [Hands bowl to Cyborg.]
- Cyborg: Well, that's 'cause I'm a nut mix-ologist. Almonds, Peanuts -
- Raven: Cashews.
- Cyborg: [Hands bowl to Raven.] That's right, Rave, all the good stuff.
- Raven: [Hands bowl to Beast Boy.]
- Beast Boy: [Eats nuts.] That's how you do nuts, yo!
- Squirrel: [Grabs bowl of nuts.]
- Starfire: [Feels for the bowl of nuts. Gasps.] Where did the mixed varietals of nuts and legumes go?
- Squirrel: [Squeaks on branch in the bowl.]
- Robin: Squirrel. Return our nuts, or face the consequences.
- Squirrel: [Swallows nuts.]
- [The Titans gasp.]
- Robin: How dare you? This indignity will not stand! Titans, go!
- [Robin throws three birdarangs at the branch, but the squirrel crawls to the tree and the branch falls on him. Cyborg uses his extendable hands to try and catch the squirrel, but it runs around the tree and tangles him. Beast Boy transforms into a cat and a monkey while chasing after the squirrel, but when he transforms into a snake, an eagle snatches him away. Starfire pursues the squirrel while shooting a continuous eyebeam as it runs down a branch toward Raven, but the squirrel crawls under the branch and the two crash into each other. The Titans enter Titans Tower.]
- Robin: [Groans.] Bested by a filthy rodent! This is an all-time low for the Teen Titans.
- Squirrel: [From his tree, he eats nuts from the bowl happily and squeaks. Glares at the Titans.]
- Cyborg: He's still giving us the business!
- Squirrel: [Squeaks tauntingly.]
- [The Titans groan angrily.]
- Robin: Titans! Let's hear some revenge fantasies!
- Raven: Uh, let's throw him in a cauldron and boil him alive!
- Starfire: I wish to separate his molecules with the Ray of Disintegration!
- Cyborg: I just wanna stuff the old shablamo down his throat and sha-blow up his whole face!
- Beast Boy: [Barks as a dog.] Bite him, bite him, bite him all over! [Growls.]
- Robin: Yes! Yes!
- Beast Boy: Let's do it! Let's destroy that furry piece of trash!
- Robin: Alas, Beast Boy, we live in a world that frowns upon violence.
- Raven: Then, we can't pummel that squirrel in bloody revenge?
- Starfire: Not with society's adherence to the ideals of pacifism.
- Cyborg: Hold up! I thought society was cool with violence as long as it was funny.
- Robin: How could violence ever be "funny," Cyborg? You sound like a crazy person.
- Raven: Wow, real sick, Cyborg.
- Cyborg: No, look.
- [A cartoon plays showing a fish run past a cat when a boulder falls on top of the cat. The Titans laugh.]
- Cyborg: Guess what? You're laughing at violence.
- Robin: [Gasps.] You're right.
- Raven: But that's a cartoon. Real-life violence isn't funny. Right?
- Cyborg: Only one way to find out. Hey, Robin.
- Robin: Yes?
- Cyborg: [Punches Robin.] Wagamapow!
- Robin: [Exclaims in pain.] Hey!
- Cyborg: Huh, not funny.
- Raven: Hmm, maybe you didn't hit him right.
- Robin: Wait. [Punched by Raven.] My teeth! My teeth! [Sobbing.]
- Starfire: Hmm, perhaps repetition is the key to the laughters. [Punches Robin repeatedly.]
- Raven: Huh, this isn't funny. He just sits there and cries.
- Robin: [Sobs.] Why? We're all supposed to be friends! [Muffled.] Why me?
- Beast Boy: So, why is violence funny in cartoons but not in real life?
- Cyborg: Oh! It's because Robin's head didn't spin around and make crazy noises when we hit him.
- Starfire: So, if we wish to get the bloody revenge against the squirrel in a socially acceptable manner, we have to do it - as the "cartoonies"?
- Cyborg: Exactly.
- Raven: If we become silly cartoons, won't we lose our depth?
- Cyborg: It's either that, or the squirrel wins.
- Robin: Never!
- [The Titans transform themselves into silly cartoons.]
- Raven: I never thought I'd admit this, Cyborg, but the Teen Titans are way better as silly cartoons! [Hits Cyborg with a mallet.]
- Robin: [Hands Raven a bomb that explodes.] Who would have thought we could translate so seamlessly into raw comedy?
- Beast Boy: [Hits Beast Boy with a boxing glove from a gun.] It feels good not to be weighed down by character development, yo!
- Starfire: [Drops an anvil on Beast Boy.] I believe this is the definitive incarnation of the Teen Titans. [Blown up by the Titans.]
- Cyborg: While everyone can agree that this has been a change for the better, [Babbles.] we still got a job to do.
- Robin: Squirrel!
- Squirrel: [Squeaks and yawns.]
- [The Titans groan angrily until their heads explode. The heads regrow.]
- Cyborg: You wanna hit it with a mallet, don't ya?
- Beast Boy, :Raven, Robin, and Starfire: Yes!
- Cyborg: You wanna shove a stick of dynamite down his throat, don't ya?
- Beast Boy, :Raven, Robin, and Starfire: Oh, yeah!
- Cyborg: You wanna drop an anvil on his head, don't ya?
- Beast Boy, :Raven, Robin, and Starfire: Yes!
- Cyborg: Well, now that we're hilarious cartoons, we can do all that horrible stuff.
- [The squirrel, munching on a nut, rests by a tree. The Titans surround him, but it takes the bowl and climbs up the tree. The grab an ax and chop down the tree, but it collapses on them. The squirrel runs to the top of another tree and the Titans chase after it. Cyborg saws through the tree, but the ground disappears instead. On another tree, Robin shoves sticks of dynamite into the hole. Cyborg and Beast Boy set sticks of dynamite on the tree trunk while Raven delivers carts full of dynamite which Starfire hands to Robin, who throws them inside. They run to the top of a hill and blow the tree up. The Titans cheer, but the tree trunk lands on top of them. The squirrel jumps out of the hole and eats more nuts from the bowl. The Titans return to the tower in casts.]
- Robin: [Groans.] That squirrel keeps gettin' the best of us.
- Starfire: Every time we attempt to violence the squirrel, we are violenced instead.
- Raven: Why is this happening?
- Cyborg: I know! We're silly cartoons now. And in this type of cartoon, the hunter never catches the prey! Think about it! [Babbles.]
- Beast Boy: [Gasps.] Oh! Like the cat never catches the fish, ever!
- Cyborg: That's right!
- Starfire: Then, we shall never get our socially acceptable bloody revenge?
- Cyborg: Not by being funny.
- Raven: Is there another socially acceptable form of cartoon violence?
- Cyborg: Only one. Where violence is delivered in the name of justice!
- Robin: You mean action cartoons?
- Beast Boy: We about to get some justice, yo!
- Cyborg: Booyah! [Explodes a bomb that transforms the Titans into an action cartoon.] Transformation complete. Now, we can defeat the evil Megasquirrel and retrieve the lost nuts of Snackonia. Titans, battle stations.
- [The Titans board the ships and surround the tree.]
- Starfire; [Uses the ship to scan the tree.] Megasquirrel located.
- Cyborg: Fire quad lasers!
- [The lasers destroy the leaves and branches, leaving the squirrel and bowl on top of the tree trunk. The lasers charge again, but the squirrel evades the blasts.]
- Beast Boy: The quad lasers had no effect.
- Robin: Power reserves down to 60%.
- Raven: [Grunts.] Megasquirrel is too powerful.
- Cyborg: It's time to form Zolton! Energize interlocks!
- [The ships connect to each other.]
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, Robin, and Starfire: Interlocks energized!
- Squirrel: [Squeaks and runs into a tree.]
- Cyborg: [Aims Zolton at squirrel.] Form infernal sphere!
- [Zolton charges and shoots a purple beam at the squirrel. The bowl of nuts is grabbed by a robotic arm.]
- Cyborg: We have secured the nut mix! [Zolton lands and the Titans beam back to the ground.] Awesome! Great job! Wonderful! [The other Titans cheer.] Aha! Good job, Titans. The Megasquirrel has been defeated and we are all champions. Aha!
- Robin: A great justice has been done here today, ha!
- Beast Boy: In the eyes of society, we are righteous.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin: [Laugh.]
- Raven: [Gasps.] Oh, no! The squirrel.
- Starfire: It is not making the breaths.
- Cyborg: We went too far. And for what, a bowl of nuts?
- Robin: I see now that violence is never acceptable, regardless of its nature.
- [Cyborg drops the bowl of nuts. The Titans start sobbing.]
- Cyborg: This tear burns as it rolls down my cheek.
- [Cyborg picks up the squirrel, but its head rolls off, revealing a stick of dynamite. It explodes, reverting the Titans to their normal forms.]
- Squirrel: [Squeaks and emerges from the nut bowl.] Ain't I a stinker? [Scurries around the trees.] Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!