"The Rocky Road to Love/Transcript"
Issue 16
The Rocky Road to Love digital cover
Digital Release: 13 February 2015
Printed Release: 13 February 2015
Writer: Amy Wolfram
Art by: Lea Hernandez
"One Potato, Two Potato, Couch Potato"
"Stare Master"
Beast Boy
Titans Tower
Jump City
Several locations outside Jump City
Plot Point
Valentine's Day
This transcript is complete


[Beast Boy, in the form of a mule, and Cyborg enter the kitchen of Titans Tower, carrying grocery bags full of ice cream]
Beast Boy: Do you think we bought enough?
Cyborg: Maybe we should go back and get more.
Raven: [enters behind them, carrying more bags of ice cream] We bought out the store.
Starfire: Oooh, are we having the party?
Beast Boy: Don't you know what day it is?
Starfire: Knorflog Day?
Cyborg: [holds up a calendar with February 14th circled] Worse. Valentine's Day.
Starfire: SQUEEEEE! We are having the party for the Day of the Valentine's!!!! I shall go and make the vital organ-shaped decorations.
[Cyborg, Beast Boy (in cat form), and Raven quickly try to shush Starfire]
Cyborg: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Beast Boy: Shhhhh!
Raven: He'll hear you.
Starfire: If we are not having the party then who shall eat all the ice creams of Rocky Road goodness and Cookie Dough tubings?
Cyborg: We don't want a repeat of what happened last year when Robin couldn't find a date.
[Flashback to last Valentine's Day. A fat, ice-cream stained Robin is sitting on a chair, crying and surrounded by empty ice cream containers]
Robin: *sobs* WAAHHHHH How can we be out of Rocky Road?!!! *sobs*
[Flashback ends]
Raven Wasn't pretty.
Beast Boy: So this year we're all staying home to help Robin get through his horrible day.
Cyborg: Even if it takes going to every store in Jump City.
Robin: [singing] "When there's trouble you know who to call. Call Robin!"
Cyborg: He's coming!
[Cyborg holds the freezer door open, while Beast Boy, in monkey form, and Raven start throwing in the ice cream containers]
Cyborg: Don't mention Valentine's Day!
Beast Boy: Hide the ice cream!
[Robin enters the kitchen. The other Titans greet him with smiles.]
Starfire: Hello, Robin.
Raven: Hey.
Cyborg: Hey, how ya doing, buddy?
Beast Boy: Robin, my man!
Robin: [cheerfully] It's a beautiful day, Titans!
Beast Boy: Uh, yeah.
Cyborg: Sure.
Starfire: [whispering] I thought you said he would be having the horrible day?
Robin: [getting a bowl of cereal ready] Me, have a bad day? Never.
Beast Boy: [checks a calendar] It is Valentine's Day, right?
Robin: [eating the cereal] Oh, ha ha, no problem there. I'm not even thinking about unrequited crushes or being rejected repeatedly for dates. I'm going to go for a ride on my R-Cycle. I am not going to let this day get me down.
Cyborg: Good for you.
Raven: Okay, then.
Beast Boy: All right, bro.
Robin See ya later!
[Robin leaves Titans Tower. Beast Boy (in cat form) and Cyborg hip-bump each other.]
Cyborg: Well, that went much easier than I expected!
Beast Boy: No "ice cream watch" with Robin tonight!
Cyborg: We can do whatever we want!
Starfire: So what are the plans for the evening?
Cyborg: Video games.
Beast Boy: And ice cream!
Raven: [holding her Butterbean doll] There's a Pretty Pretty Pegasus marathon.
Starfire: You mean no one is partaking in the ritual of the flower giving, candy hearts with charming conversations, or going on a date with someone who is special?
Cyborg & Beast Boy: Nah.
[Silkie crawls by, wearing a bow tie]
Raven: I guess somebody is.
Starfire: Be home by midnight, Silkie!
Raven: [noting how slowly Silkie is crawling] He may not even make it out of the tower by midnight.
Starfire: Do you think that Robin will be okay?
[Cut to Robin, who is riding away from Titans Tower on his R-Cycle]
Robin: [thinking] It's not like I'm going to miss running my fingers through her long, silky red hair that smells ever so slightly of strawberries.
[Robin is now riding through a desert]
Robin: [thinking] Or think about holding her hand, still warm from shooting a starbolt with amazing precision. [spoken] Oh, look, cacti!
[Robin is now rriving through a cold, snowy place]
Robin: *Brrrrrr* Nnnnn-ot ttttthinking abbbbbout Vvvvvvalentine's Ddddday attttt alllllll.
[Robin is now stuck in a rocky canyon. A hissing sound is heard from one of his tires]
Robin: Hah! Flat tire? No problem. Nothing is going to get me down today.
[Robin is now driving through a hailstorm]
Robin: Hail? Oh OW! come on OW! now!
[Robin has crashed his R-Cycle into a river.]
Robin: [crying] *sobs* WAAHHHHH Ice cream! I need ice cream!
[Cut to Titans Tower, later that night. Cyborg and Beast Boy are on the couch, holding ice cream containers]
Starfire: You are certain you are not going out tonight?
[Beast Boy and Cyborg touch their ice cream containers together]
Beast Boy: Who needs romance?
Cyborg: When you can have bromance?!
Starfire: Perhaps Raven has changed her mind. [leaves]
Beast Boy: [looking at a picture of Terra on his watch] I am totally not thinking about going on a date.
Cyborg: Me, neither. [looking at a picture of Jinx in a straitjacket on his wrist computer, with the message "Sorry can't make it, got tied up."]
[Cyborg and Beast Boy eat ice cream in silence. Cut to Raven's room]
Starfire: Raven, are you certain you do not wish to go out for the day of hearts and love?
Raven: Can't. The episode where Butterbean loses her rainbow is coming up!
Starfire: Oh, okay.
Raven: [talking to her Butterbean doll] What's that, Butterbean? It's not Valentine's Day without Mister Glittershoes? Yes, I know he's very handsome. And his shoes are very glittery. But you know they only make one Mister Glittershoes doll for every one million Butterbean. You're right, he's out there somewhere. Let's get one off the assembly line in China!
[Raven opens a portal. Cut to Starfire's room, where Starfire is seated in a chair with a robe and facial cream on]
Starfire: I refuse to join in the dateless ritual of watching the television or eating the mass quantities of ice cream. [removes the cucumbers from her eyes] I shall follow in the tiny, fuzzy footsteps of the Silkie and search for true love. [removes the towel from her hair] Perhaps it is with someone I know already. Someone I never gave the chance to. Perhaps someone a little shorter!
[Starfire thinks for a moment, then pulls out her cell phone. Cut to Robin, who is still in the river.]
Robin: My Starfire Sense is tingling. [Robin starts running, holding the wrecked handles of his R-Cycle] Starfire, wait, I'm coming!
[Robin runs all the way back to Titans Tower, finally dropping the handlebars.]
Starfire: [dressed up for a date] My date is here!
Robin: Finally!
Gizmo: [shoves Robin aside] Move it, crudmuncher. She's with me.
[Starfire heads off with Gizmo.]
Starfire: Do not wait up!
[Gizmo holds up a sign with one of his robotic hands, saying "Dateless Loser" to rub it in to Robin further. Robin enters the tower and finds Cyborg and Beast Boy (in pig form) fat and passed out on the couch]
Robin: Good thing you bought all that ice cream. Pass it over.
Cyborg: No can do, bro.
Beast Boy: Dude, we ate it all.
Robin: Titans, GO *sniff* Get me some Rocky Road! *sobs*

The End

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